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  • Kelli Rae Wilson

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This winter, I drove past my childhood home to show my kids my old home, bedroom window, the trees we climbed out front, the stories of the 24 neighbor kids we played with, where my best friend lived, the roof I climbed out when I snuck out, the backyard we had pit-fires, the creative things my mom allowed us to do, the drive-way where my dad taught us how to pick-n-roll, clean the water-ski boat (after hours of practice and some competitions). I wanted to show them some spots my sister (their aunt Molly) played in a mud pit and tire swing... Molly now before us in heaven. I wanted to show them some hilarious moments my older sisters pulled off, also the raspberry bushes by Granny’s house and her clothes line we used to hang our laundry on. I pulled-up excited and jolly... BUT, immediately pulled my sunglasses back over my eyes. I couldn’t speak. My kids had their heads and necks out the window asking questions. I went faster than I planned and gave them hardly a peak. The kids didn’t know, I wanted to cry. Okay, I did cry. They didn’t know. I pretending to point at things out the other side of my window. I went silent, ya know where you can’t speak or the flood comes.... I just said let’s drive past your aunt and grandma’s old house now. Filled with the best emotion and also the raw emotion. It was hard because that was HOME. Missing HOME. That home owned by another person and not even half the same now. I couldn’t help but drive away and think of the emotion of what Heaven will be. HOME. The fallen world has its way of changing and hurting us. As I paint and renovate my current home(s). I am reminded of the changes life brings us. Most change is painful to be quite honest. Even in the joy of change, like raising children, they still manage to bring hurt our way at times, whether on purpose of accidental- it happens. I read a blog from a man who is in ministry (&work) in Haiti. I actually read it last night as I stumbled on it after I had a rough go and couldn’t sleep. I read it to Chris again this morning. I stood in the kitchen with the same lump in my throat. The same lump as the one when I drove past my childhood home. I couldn’t finish reading his writing aloud (tears). I handed it to Chris to finish. We both so upset - even to the point the kids were asking what was wrong. This man and his wife have 7 kids, she went in for seizures and came out with a diagnosis this month which provides no cure. A tumor in her left temporal lobe. After years of severing both at home and in Haiti, even taking in children into her home who are now her own.... her beautiful life has been given a horrific diagnosis revealing only a road of deterioration. Her children and husband still need here clearly from the ages revealed in his photos. This man’s words- about how disappointed he was with God. He quoted a book- spoiler alert- “you can either be disappointed with God or disappointed without God.” He reminds us-“this world will bring disappointment..” I have given my fair share of disappointment to people and even recently I have felt the raw immense disappointment from ones I love. There is hope though. Just as this man said- he sat by his wife after she got home from the hospital and cried wishing God would allow him this diagnosis not his wife. He wanted so bad for it to be him in her place—- he realized ... Jesus longed and loved us so much that He too wanted to take our place. He did take our place. He took our diagnosis of sin which equals eternal death and bore it all on the cross for us. He died and conquered death for us. You see, this is not our home. This earth is going to bring a diagnosis of hurt at some point to all of us. The sting of brokenness in this world and in relationships ... it all ends one day. Jesus stood in our place. He conquered death and we can too. All of us will see the grave but we will not continue in the bondage of death or defeat. With Jesus we are complete, healed and HOME. We have HOME waiting for us. Driving up to that “HOME” (heaven) no longer allows us to drive away fast to hide the raw emotions. I won’t need to cover my eyes with sunglasses ... We will never have to look at our past in raw emotion ever again. Home is home. One sweet day we will all be HOME and complete. #LovedByYahweh