I wrote this a couple years ago.
I woke-up to an empty house. Well, not completely empty, our two year old daughter was asleep in her room. It was still dark outside. I walked down the hall and it was dead silent. It sounds like a mother's dream to have silence, but it wasn't a dream, it felt more like an empty silence. My sons had spent the night at their grandparents for a cousins sleepover and our oldest daughter was on senior trip.
It was a Sunday morning. Before I get ready for church, I got a ball cap on and jumped in my car to grab Starbucks coffee for my husband and I while he and the 2year old slept. This is the time I often listen to a sermon. As I drove away I got weepy.....
I had just walked through my house and it was so silent and dead. I reflected on what the years to come will be like. Actually, what the months to come will be like. My parents who live on our property are going to be moving soon, 4.5 hours away, out-of-state. No more cousin sleep overs, no more waving high in the car, no more kids walking or scootering down to their house. The night before our kids rallied around their house to play LRC and watch movies. They are only a walk away. Many changes are coming. My oldest daughter leaves for college in less than 8 months. My home no longer has a baby within it. My mind has a full blown pity-party right now as I drive. Everything in life is good. I never want anything to change. Life has had it's many issues, but as of today- I never want this to change.
As I drove, I begin to think of even more sad things. Like the silence I heard when I woke-up. One day I will be older and have silence in my home. That scares me so bad. My mind thinks of the joys I had when family celebrated the way they did when I was a child. Why do things change? Why do people get old? Why do kids grow up and why does life have to change? As I drove I became increasingly upset with God. What's the point? This is a depressing cycle. I should not claim that with my lips or even with the words on this page because it sounds like blasphemy to question God when I already have the faith (and wisdom) to support the answer to the question. I question Him because I love this life He has given me. The people in my life- I love dearly and deeply. Have you ever questioned God why he wouldn't just let it stay the same...forever. {I am dwelling on people}.
Dwelling on people, it’s a thing I do. It’s a thing many of us do. Learning to let Jesus be my “enough” in the season of change is hard. Putting my hope in man, circumstances and comfort.. that’s dangerous. The point of all this is to put God first. He lavishes in our joy. He gives us people as partners and helpers. He allows us to have children (the seed)... it’s a sign of blessing. I sure do feel that blessing and I will feel it when it’s gone. BUT, I am greatly reminded that we can easily make our blessings, our people, those we love- we make them our idols. I hate when that happens.
I love the of seasons of weather. I love the Midwest. Each season and temperature change which brings death and life- it reminds me of how quickly life changes. The different climates remind me of life. But, when it comes down to it, change and the seasons of life- are very very hard for me. I need to remember Jesus is enough. Jesus truly is the only thing that will never change in my life.
Hebrews 13:8
"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."
